Yesterday I had a woman ask me what kind of salad dressings we have. I told her we have sesame soy dressing, spicy lime vinaigrette, and blue cheese. She made a face and asked, 'Is that all?' 'Yes,' I told her, 'those are all of our dressings.' 'Don't you have any other dressings?' he says. I mean, what the hell? What does she think? That I'm holding out? I was tempted to say, "No, we actually have an entirely different assortment of dressings that I don't tell people about the first time they ask, because they don't deserve these great secret dressings. But now that you have proven your worth, I will show you to the VIP room, where the array of salad dressings will dazzle and delight you.
Caprice CraneStichwörter: humor
you can have one of mine," he says. "i'll yank one out right now."
no, that won't count. It has to be the lash that naturally falls out. "
He gets on his knees and starts looking for my lash.
it's 4:21 am. He's gotta be done having mind-blowing-knock-your-dick-into-your-watch-pocket sex with her, and she's probably spooning with him right now. Ugh, it makes me sick. I'll bet he's in front, too, the dick. Anyone would know that Heaven is supposed to be the little spoon, but he's probably making her be the big spoon.
Caprice CraneWendy warmed my heart, earned my trust, touched my soul, and then touched me in a lot of other places. And right after we'd slept together for the very first time she looked up at me with her chocolate-brown, trustworthy doe eyes and said, "I've got herpes. I thought you should know.
Caprice CraneStichwörter: humor
Love is pretty much a decision anyway. Just like happiness. You can decide to either love someone or not, be happy or not. The rest is just commitment to the idea.
Caprice CraneStichwörter: caprice-crane heaven-albright stupid-and-contagious
Pygmalion made her; then she kicked him in the nuts, ran away, and developed a personality.
Caprice CraneCheck her out. She‟s fuckin‟ hot.”
“Wedding band,” I say.
“She sings in one?"
“No, jackass. She's wearing one.
Stichwörter: humor
People make changes in their life, and they blend and assimilate. They find a way to make it work. That's where I've always taken the wrong turn. By not taking a turn at all.
Caprice CraneStichwörter: life
All of my most significant moments somehow involved music. It's like my life was a John Hughes film and somebody had to put together the perfect soundtrack.
Caprice CraneIf you measure your happiness by the amount of liquid you have in your glass, you are either a cliché or an alcoholic.
Caprice CraneStichwörter: humor
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