The problem with being a modern woman, I thought, as the front door swung wide, is that you have to pretend to be stronger than you are.
Darcey SteinkeI know the girl is right because the snake is in me, knotted around my intestines, hanging off my ribs, snuggled like a lover around my black heart. "I love you," I said, addressing the snake, Madison, Bell, Kevin, Pig, my mother, my past lives and the new lover speeding toward me at this very moment. I wondered if it mattered whether you loved one person or another. Weren't lovers interchangeable when you thought back about them? Maybe that was true in the future too. What I really loved was the note. I always loved odd things: the blue curacao bottle, the wet asphalt, my own insipid fear.
Darcey SteinkeWhen you love a woman, you love yourself, and it's terrible really, how it seems perfectly possible to swallow the other. With a man you want to join, you want your ribs to connect like handcuffs. But with a woman if you swallow, she becomes you.
Darcey SteinkeSex is a kind of alchemy. It's the one thing other than death that if used properly can change everything, like that first night with Madison, it's all in my head like a beautiful dream. I remember her skin. Its texture made me believe I'd never die.
Darcey SteinkeYou’ll see, there are a million ways to kill off the soft parts of yourself.
Darcey SteinkeRelationships are like wall paper patterns, you think your moving forward but your always caught in your own obsessions.
Darcey SteinkeStichwörter: steinke suicide-blonde
For awhile, staring at my paper bag of clothes, my freaked-out eyes in the mirror behind the bar, I convinced myself I would go back to Bell. He was the only man that ever made me feel in life instead of just a spectator, and if he did that by fear and pain, it was still better then when I looked numbly at some man on the couch thinking, I will leave you soon.
Darcey SteinkeWhat is love but a nostalgia for someones history? Their boyhood haunts and sullen adolescence, their teenage trips cross-country and fights with their fathers and especially their old lovers?
Darcey SteinkeEverything was new, now I’m a junkie, I seem to need more severe doses of experience to feel anything.
Darcey SteinkeThe story of Adam and Eve has less to do with evil than the cosmic human sadness that relationships are never straightforward, never pure enough.
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