I was falling for Elyssa and my track record with girls looked like a zombie apocalypse.

John Corwin


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This is worse than death. Now i have to spend eternity with my nagging wife and mother-in-law. what did i do to deserve this?

John Corwin


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Even though the place looked like Kansas, I didn´t need to tell Toto that my Facebook Places status wasnñt anywhere on the planet Earth, much less Kansas.

John Corwin


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I´d use Google to find out, but seem to have misplaced my house along with my laptop

John Corwin


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Harb was a ticking time bomb. It was like watching a preacher with Tourette syndrome. You knew the "Shit! Balls!" was coming at some point during the sermon, probably while he was slapping you on the forehead during a faith healing.

John Corwin


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This is not good," I said. "These guys have a superiority complex bigger than Miss Compton's butt."
"And she had the biggest butt of them all," Kyle said.

John Corwin


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Besides, we have the one the God Hand wishes to see." "What about the God foot?" I said. "Or the God pinky finger?

John Corwin


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Anil may have been human, but he thought like Rrilk," Phiirr said. "And I never found out what a Twinkie was.

John Corwin


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Everything occurred in phases. The "Holy Crap, We're Dead!" phase was marked by mass hysteria. Mass euphoria resulted from the "Holy Crap, We're Free of Life's Burdens!" phase. Now things had shifted into the "Holy Crap, We Can Do Whatever We Want!" phase in which mass indulgence made the ancient Romans look like teetotalers.

John Corwin


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What the hell is wrong with me? And who is Nibbles?

John Corwin


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