I was touched that he'd brought me here. I didn't know what to say. Up until then there was a part of me that wondered if maybe there was nothing more to him than an aura of danger and a disposable charm that he used to keep himself from getting into too much trouble. I was beginning to realize that like everyone else, he was searching for something, and like everyone else, he had no idea where he could find it.
Thanks for bringing me here," I said. " It really means a lot me."
Does it?" he asked. He seemed genuinely surprised by this. "I'm glad. I wasn't sure if you'd get it. I thought maybe you'd think it was creepy."
No," I said quickly. "Not at all. I like that there's these different parts to you."
Good," he said, smiling. "It's hard to show people everything, you know? You never know what they'll do with it once they have it.
I looked in the mirror and stared at my reflection, until I was in the head-clearing trance that comes when you stare at something for a long time.
Nick BurdDads are the appendix of humanity. They should just be taken out before they start causing problems.
Nick BurdLove. People threw that word around like carzy.
Nick Burdgettimg attached to things is pointless. Thats how things get screwed up.People care to much about everything. Let it go. You'll be happier.
Nick BurdIts hard to show people everything, you know? You never know what they'll do with it once they have it.
Nick BurdFor some reason I didn't believe it. I don't know why. Maybe it was because my father was the kind of person who told himself things over and over until he believed them, who could justify almost anything. What I wanted was for it to really be okay. I wanted him to really not care, to maybe even be happy about it. Instead he was acting like I was making a bad career choice, like I was passing up an English degree at Fairmont in favor of a bartending certificate at the local community college.
Nick BurdWas he coming to bury the hatchet? Was there a hatchet to even be buried? For some reason I started thinking of how weird it was that I would always be his son and he would always be my father, that there was nothing that could ever change. I didn't know whether this permanence was comforting or terrifying.
Nick BurdI think some love you can stand to let go of because it's ultimately for the best, but other types you have to stick with until the day you die even when it's hard.You have to think about that before you run away from wherever you are. And then when you know, you either stay or you go and pray thatyou're making the right decision.
Nick BurdI was vaguely worried about how they would cope with wandering the desert of adulthood without the other's hand to hold, but then I remembered that they never appeared to give each other that much comfort in the first place, or at least if they had, those days were buried so far in the past that it was hard to consider them a meaningful part of their life.
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