Where you are
and what you are doing
is something you have done
dozens of times before
without any problems
Recognize that you are going to get out of this
that you always get out of this
that you are going to live
that you won't go crazy
I am telling you that you will live,
because you always live,
because you are strong
and beautiful.
I am the cure and the disease.
Samantha SchutzI want things so bad that I force them, push them until they tear.
Samantha SchutzWhen I try to save other people am I trying to save myself? Am I covering up for my lack of strength by putting people back together?
Samantha SchutzI visit him a few times downtown
while he paints.
We talk about how he's going to Spain
for the fall semester
and he shows me a painting he did
and points to this one part,
a bridge, and tells me he thought of me
when he painted it.
It is so sad
how knowing something
so small
can make me so happy.
Stichwörter: painting
It's weird to hear this again -
to hear how I was perceived
by people before they got to know me.
Some of the girls thought I was a bitch -
aloof, distant -
but now they see the truth.
I crave broken men.
When I try to save other people
am I trying to save myself?
Am I covering up for my lack of strength
by putting people back together?
I am tired.
I want someone to save me -
build an intricate web
and place it beneath me in case I fall.
Most days it feels like I am watching a movie
where the sound isn't in sync,
the speed is all wrong.
Either I'm moving too quickly
and the world is dripping along,
or the world is moving too quickly, cosmic,
and I'm oozing like a slug
barely able to pull my own weight.
It's best if I keep moving
because if I stopped and stood still
people would see me shaking.
Even the pigeons are dancing, kissing,
going in circles, mounting each other.
Paris is the city of love,
even for the birds.
I am trying to find myself
in all of the chaos,
find something that I can call me
inside the screams and inside
the 'you shoulds' and 'you have to bes.
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