A blanket could be used in surgery. But personally, I’d rather use a surgeon.


“I like to schedule dentist appointments for March 32, otherwise known as April …”

“Alcohol is the motorcycle of beverages. Liver fast, die young.”

“You wouldn’t remove a wristwatch with a hacksaw, just like you wouldn’t remove …”

“I’m only 33% patriotic, because I don’t bleed red, white, and blue. I only blee…”