A blanket could be used to wipe away my tears. But it’d better be a blanket the size of America, because I’ve been crying since Andrew Jackson died.


“I’m always 15 minutes early for everything. In fact, I was born 15 minutes earl…”

“I can draw like it’s nobody’s business. I use my door as a canvas, so don’t kno…”

“There are two typos of people in this world: those who can edit, and those who …”

“-I’m 60-years-old.
-Ma’am, I don’t believe it.
-You’re too kind.
-It’s true. Yo…”