A blanket would be a great surface to print my new book on, so you could read it in bed while you’re having boring, obligatory sex with your spouse, who’s as dry and exciting as a sack of flour. 


“Loneliness is the unloneliest feeling in the world, as everyone has experienced…”

“I slept hard last night. I had an eight-hour raging erection.”

“2001 was a great year. It was the first year I declared myself the “Man of the …”

“Love isn’t a series of slogans like “Just do it,” “It’s the real thing,” or “Go…”