A car is a couch with wheels. My windshield wipers don’t work, so I’ve decided to stop watering my living room carpet. Honk if you want coffee, and I’ll pour you an umbrellaful.

“Masturbation, like writing, is best when your mind is working faster than your …”

“My shadow’s so substantial that it has its own shadow. It isn’t as tall, but th…”

“A blanket (twin, full, or queen-sized) could be placed squarely over the state …”

“Ninety minutes of pure naughty (limit 30 minutes per customer). *No clones or t…”