A magician who could make the audience’s problems disappear—now that’s someone I’d pay to throw tomatoes at. If I didn’t have any problems, I’d still have a problem, because I’d have nothing to blame my failures on.

“I’m underwhelming. Whelming is the woman riding me.”

“A brick could be used as an AFD, or Atmospheric Floating Device, whose sole fun…”

“English isn’t my first language—gibberish is.”

“The great news is I drive like a woman. The bad news is that it’s only when I’m…”