A mechanical toothbrush is the greatest oral device in the history of the sex toy industry.

“4 am—if I’m ever up that early, it’s because I’m up that late.”

“On TV, I can hit the mute button and silence any moron. I wish real life came w…”

“Some women will spread a lie faster and wider than they’d spread their legs. Th…”

“I've often wondered what makes a relationship last. I guess the best answer is …”