A pen is a phallic symbol you can write with. But so is a cucumber dipped in ranch dressing or semen.

“I wired my gas pedal to my stereo, so now when I crank up the volume the car ac…”

“I asked her to wear something revealing, so she showed up in a prophet's toga.”

“Throw a pair of Band-Aids over your eyelids, and open your eyes to your wounds.”

“I hung a large pizza over my window, because it was more delicious than curtain…”