A stranger left a white jacket, and it’s tempting for me to grab it, put it on, and use it like a shield against the spaghetti I’ll soon be eating. When I splatter red sauce all over myself, I don’t feel like a slob—I feel like a warrior.

“The cute girl at the bar asked for my number. I told her I’m number one. Then I…”

“Good things come to those who ate. And I’m stuffed. Like a teddy bear. That mig…”

“A magician who could make the audience’s problems disappear—now that’s someone …”

“To maximize love, I try to emulate an omelet. And I’m not just saying that to s…”