A telephone cord used to make an excellent leash on people. Now metal chains work better.

“My new mustache is barely big enough to cover my pubic region.”

“Thomas Jefferson is by far the smartest president,” said Thomas Jefferson, abou…”

“I have an 8th grade education. Of course, I also have a bachelor’s degree.”

“50 bucks sounds fair to me. Especially since I’m not doing anything to earn it.”