A tie is like an arrow pointing to my crotch. A tie is also like an even score.

“I object! To shirts that have circular holes cut out where my nipples are. Even…”

“I made art out of all the phone numbers on napkins I’ve had over the years. So …”

“When people say they don’t understand my generation, I like to point out that i…”

“My asshole smells like a paper mill. Three cheers for being a writer.”