After losing my job, I felt the only options available to me were razors, cyanide, or a shot to the face, until Renaldo, being the good friend that he is, reminded me how to tie a noose.


“I use blankets like armor for cold.
”

“I just bought some long-lasting deodorant. You know, for the afterlife. Eternit…”

“I made love in a HAZMAT suit. I think I contaminated the relationship.”

“While you weren't looking, I flicked a booger in your soup. Just my way of sayi…”