After months of training, I broke the record. Then right after that I celebrated by scratching all my CDs.

“I dove in feet first. I like to dive in feet before I dive in hands, because I …”

“The smell of sex always reminds me of summer youth camps growing up.”

“I saw two statues talking to each other. I didn’t hear what they were saying, p…”

“Seeking a woman who looks like a feminized version of L. Ron Hubbard to help me…”