After reading one of my one-liners a few years ago, a former professor of mine looked up at me and said, “You remind me of Mark Twain.” And whatever resemblance I bore, I owe to my former mustache.

“I want to import what’s important, and export the trivial out of my life.”

“Growing up, my mom made dinner every night. Usually this would be a large salad…”

“Beer has that Olympic medal color,” Rot replied, “but does it have a winning ta…”

“As a point of fact, the best apologies don’t come at the point of a sword, they…”