All I have to say about love can be summed up in nine words: Never wipe your ass before you take a shit.

“Everybody thinks they’re a prophet. They must, or nobody would get married. Or …”

“I don’t call watches watches, I call them grasps, because one, they grasp onto …”

“I was reminded of my ex girlfriend the other day. It’s amazing that something a…”

“I put Chap Stick on before I read, because my lips move along with my eyes. May…”