At the gun range I can’t hit the paper bull’s eye, no matter how carefully I aim at my wife.

“If there’s a 50% chance of rain, I guess it means it’ll be half sunny. Relation…”

“Of all the ways to murder someone, slowly, over the course of about 75 years or…”

“A magician who could make the audience’s problems disappear—now that’s someone …”

“I’d eat a mosquito to satisfy my hunger for an itch.”