At the time of the murder, I had an airtight alibi: I spent the night in a Ziploc bag.

“If love had the texture of a turtle, and the taste of a rabbit, would you say w…”

“I gave blood today. It came gushing out of my nose. And anus.”

“A brick could be used as a flotation device, if you’re Michael Phelps and don’t…”

“Richmond lost his Virginia when he was 1776.”