At their core, things are essentially good. Except apples. At their core, they are trash.

“I bought a house in a depressed neighborhood. The prices weren’t low, but the p…”

“I’ll steal the letter X, and replace it with treasure. So sex would then be spe…”

“I planted a tree. You’d think my neighbors would be happy for the shade it woul…”

“A blanket could be used as a scapegoat. But I’d rather use real goats, because …”