Being a parent is apparently more than most men can handle. This is transparent to even the tiniest child.

“Love is like a rolling rock—with wheels. And legs, too! But no breaks or shoes …”

“If liquid courage smelled like cologne and gushed out of my penis, I’d make a b…”

“It’s now 4:17 am, and I just got done dealing with Mrs. Indianapolis, of Indian…”

“Call me Clyde. Call me Dale. Call me a Clydesdale.”