Being vulgar to be funny is a crutch, and I prefer wheelchairs.

“Experience counts for something. I count with my fingers. I could count on you,…”

“The only time I can throw 80 yards is when my football-shaped alarm clock goes …”

“The quickest way to become an interesting person is to show interest in others.”

“He’ll think I’ll do it, he’ll act like I’ll do it, and so I will do it. But if …”