Cats are magicians. They can make my erections disappear. All they have to do is jump in my lap while I’m masturbating. Damn! This is the second time today I’ve had to pause Golden Girls!

“Gold. You don’t mind if I just mined some, do you?”

“Batman’s cape would make a great canvas for a cave painting.”

“The word "the" is 2/3rds he. I'm not being sexist, merely statistical.”

“At my ten-year high school reunion, I was voted best looking. Of course, there …”