Charity can be a good thing. But the only cause I’ll support is because. Don’t ask me why.

“If there are #coffee stains on my @Harvard application, it’s because I was up a…”

“The whole world is dying. Just too slowly and naturally for my liking. Somebody…”

“A blanket could be used to tell you I love you. You know I do. And I’m not just…”

“I don’t need a coffee cup. That’s what hands were invented for. That’s also why…”