Dear cat, your ears are flipped inside out, so I know you’re not listening to a word I’m not saying.

“I surround myself with salt, so it soaks up the humidity from my steamy solo lo…”

“I tattooed my name on my buttocks, so you’d know what an ass I am. Also so eith…”

“Sometimes I’ll be walking along, thinking, and I’ll kick up some dust and I’ll …”

“A balanced argument is one that takes place entirely in my head, and doesn’t ca…”