Do not stick your dick in your car’s exhaust pipe. Instead, fuck your neighbor’s motorcycle.

“Losing a child must be the second most painful thing ever. The most painful thi…”

“I may look like someone you know. I resemble an apple pie.”

“I’d punch a guy that likes a girl 16 years younger. Especially if that guy was …”

“I called to tell her I loved her, which was smart, because if I’d have done it …”