Don’t kill your wife—kill your wife’s mother, and make it look like your wife did it.

“Sometimes we can’t see what’s right in front of us, because it’s behind us, and…”

“How many ways can I say “I love you”? I could say it in another language, like …”

“Sometimes I pretend I'm from the 19th century. Then I drive around and say, Wow…”

“The two lovers were inseparable. Well, I guess death could split them up. So co…”