Driving is better than walking, because hitting is better than being hit.

“I’m sure I look memorable in my tuxedo, and she looks gorgeous in her wedding g…”

“I got you a birthday present. The box is the exact same size as a coffin.”

“We broke up because we weren’t going anywhere. I kept telling her, Hitchhiking …”

“I was so focused on my mistake that I made another mistake during the correctio…”