Even though I believe birthday parties should be given, not taken, I wish someone would take all of mine and hide them on the other side of eternity.

“I had an out-of-body experience so strange that it felt normal. You see, my sou…”

“I have a mustache like a squirrel and you just ran over my face.”

“I brought horny in a brown paper bag from home that I’ll break out at lunchtime…”

“If my name were Entist, I’d probably be a dentist. If my name were Dennis, I’d …”