Ever since the day I came out of the womb, I’ve had impeccable timing. For example, I somehow managed to be born on the exact day of my birthday. And I wasn’t even trying, though my mother did push me along a bit.

“If love were a glove, I’d wear it on my foot like a goldfish in a silver mine. …”

“Most people wear mind blindfolds. I think that’s stupid. I wear blindfolds over…”

“What’s furry, has four legs, and meows? My dinner, before I killed and cooked i…”

“Arizona is the A to Z of abbreviations.”