Everybody loves you, but not as much as me. I love you more than any single person, and all the single people combined. I even love you more than the married men love you.

“I’m halfway to being a father. Not 4.5 months out of 9, but ½ of a mating ritua…”

“I want to eat rabbit stew out of an empty turtle shell.”

“A brick could be used to dink like a dunk, if the thunk of the think has enough…”

“A brick could be employed to stop global warming, by using it to clog up the wo…”