For my birthday, a few of my wealthier friends got me a pot to piss in. Also, they were kind enough to fill it up with cat litter.

“A brick could be used to crush grapes. If that sounds unnecessarily cruel, then…”

“Call me Jack Sonville. It’s not just my name—it’s my location. I’d love to move…”

“I brought horny in a brown paper bag from home that I’ll break out at lunchtime…”

“With his spiked brown hair, he would have looked like a porcupine if he wasn’t …”