Friends are like orgasms: you can never have too many, but just try to watch out for the fake ones.

“If you’re wearing a space suit, I’ll take a unicrescent sandwich; hold the mayo…”

“The beautiful part about killing someone with an icicle is the murder weapon me…”

“Love is like war, except without all the blood and death and stuff.”

“By the time I tell you to start doing something, it’s time for you to stop list…”