Handcuffs barely wrap around the girth of my penis. I should run for Congress.

“I’m going to spend a lifetime being me, so I’d better like who I am as a person…”

“I ran over some dog poop on my drive home last night. But I didn’t feel bad, be…”

“I’d rather count to one billion, than waste my time thinking I could count on y…”

“I put the “cat” in category. And not only do I put it there, but I pet it too.”