I always keep a spare set of keys in a spare set of pants that are folded up and stuffed in my wallet in case I lose either my pants or my keys or both, as I did yesterday while enjoying myself at the petting zoo.

“I found love when I stopped looking for it. And I sold it precisely when everyo…”

“I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely …”

“I just got a new windshield. Slowly I’m going to replace my way to a new car. I…”

“I met a guy who had an interesting job. He was a meat cutter, or a meat slicer,…”