I am approximately 96.694444% in love with you. Of course, that’s just a rough estimate.

“It’s what you do in your free time that will set you free—or enslave you.”

“I snagged a good parking spot. I also snagged my sweater in the process.”

“Revenge seeks its pound of flesh. That’s one fifth of my erection.”

“Bring on hyperinflation! I want to be a millionaire with minimal work.”