I am nine fifteen feet tall. I mean nine fifteen time tall. I measure height with my watch.

“I saw something scary. It was a boy, asking me what I’m doing naked in his fath…”

“If I could sleep with any literary character, I’d love to sleep with The Cat in…”

“A brick and a blanket walk into a bar. And I don’t drink, so I wasn’t around to…”

“If the world were coming to an end tomorrow, I’d probably call in sick to work.”