I asked if she wanted kids. She said her clock is ticking. I said, That’s because I set it five minutes ahead when you weren’t looking.

“The university awarded me my degree, but can something that’s basically worthle…”

“A brick could be surgically inserted in the chest of a man who needs a heart tr…”

“I grew a mustache, and I grew it in my garden. My mustache is organic, and will…”

“Love is like a cloudless blue sky. That’s why I always carry an open umbrella.”