I bought a big brown stuffed animal. You know, for dinner.

“My eyes change color depending on my mood and what I’m wearing. If I’m wearing …”

“Riding a bicycle makes you impotent. That’s why I carry a bicycle seat in my po…”

“In a victory speech, I like to thank the opposition, because without their help…”

“He’s going to give me a piggyback ride home. He’s my designated walker.”