I called the cops to see if I had a rap sheet. I do, and it rhymes.

“Larry Bird looks like a bird, and Johnny Vagina looks like—hey, what is that in…”

“Fashion Tip Number 12: Gray is not the color to wear if you want to get noticed…”

“I like mirrors as much as the next guy, except if the next guy is my clone.”

“I think the most heavenly food is fluffy white clouds.”