I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22

“Apple is the Ferrari of the computer world. I’m not sure if the “engine” is sup…”

“A blanket could be used to make all your dreams come true. Well, not all of the…”

“Today I ate my manuscript with the very spoon I used to write it with. My book …”

“At five in the morning, I was half asleep. The whole left side of my body was t…”