I can bench press steam, but not fog. I just have to wait until the fog lifts itself.


“A blanket could be used to show people the benefits of sleeping with a parachut…”

“I let wine breathe. And I hold my breathe, so it can get all the air.”

“Never spontaneously combust alone, or without a bag of marshmallows nearby.”

“Should I masturbate before we meet up? I don’t want to be horny and thinking wi…”