I can fly a plane, but I can’t fly a planet. Not without a seatbelt the size of the equator. The way I eat @McDonalds, I may need a seatbelt that fat.

“Being a parent is a gift, one which most men unselfishly allow women to keep al…”

“I’m wearing the costume of a customer, and it smells cheap. Can you pass me the…”

“A brick could be used as a musical instrument. It doesn’t matter how bad it sou…”

“A car crash could be considered art, and I’d like to install one in a museum. H…”