I can scratch “scratch myself” off my list of things to do.

“The proper response to “I love you” is never “what, when, where, why, and how,”…”

“Orafoura told me my writing is all nonsense. “Nonsense,” I replied. “Glad you a…”

“My penis, when inflated, does not qualify as a flotation device, no matter how …”

“It was a blustery winter night, back in the summer of 2009. That’s when we met,…”