I can’t get car parts at Lowes, the home improvement store? If I lived in my car, my car would be my home.

“Something can be humorous without being funny. The difference is when it’s humo…”

“I drink coffee like a civilized man—alone in a cave, wearing a loincloth, and g…”

“If I’m having sex during an earthquake, would I get a refund on all those quart…”

“I respect people who make eye contact (blind people get a free respect card).”