I carry a concealed weapon—high cholesterol. It’s deadly.


“I didn’t have enough money to tip the waitress, so I offered to take her out on…”

“A peaceful wave came over me, and I thought, Thank God I’m holding my breath.”

“How do you seduce a whole continent? One person at a time.”

“Hospitality is about welcoming you with open arms, and an outstretched erection…”