I collect things that collect dust. Like dust jackets. Despite no fingerprints in the dust on these books, most of the dust jackets say things like, “This book is impossible to put down!” Well, apparently it’s also impossible to pick up.

“When I think of Vermont, I think of Connecticut.”

“I’ve got a pocket full of cash, and a condom full of erection.”

“I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me “F*** you.” Then I’ll g…”

“Tickets are 40 bucks at the window, and 190 bucks if you actually go through th…”