I could do more pull-ups with a midget on my back, than a midget could do with me on his back. This makes me the superior land animal.

“Bricks could be used to line the pockets of the politicians, the way the people…”

“Most people like winners, but I prefer underdogs. They’re more fun to pet.”

“When he introduced himself as Dewey, I said, “It’s an honor to meet you Mr. Dec…”

“If I had the gift of flight, would you try to turn me into duck soup?”